Monday afternoon started out normal; with the blue sky, slight breeze, and hot lunch as I arrived to work. Like clockwork, I hunt down the Houston Chronicle and flip through the pages to Sudoku (in training to defend my title with "Underwear" Haines). Not even five minutes within arriving to work I was pestered by the stomping of the left foot to the floor by my co-worker (**we'll call him Alfonso to protect his identity). Alfonso: "What's goin' on, woman?!" Suzy: "Not a damn thing. I heard you announced you lost your wedding band to your wife." Alfonso puts his head down as he shuffles back to his office. Meanwhile, I continued to complete Sudoku in about fifteen minutes, and thought to myself - "Man, that's bad. It's only a level one!" I took a moment to make sure things were squared away in master control, before stepping out to "toss the shit" with Alfonso in his office.
So there he was - slumped in his chair, with his legs kicked up on his TV stand watching "Divorce Court". Suzy: "So what's up dude, how are things going for you?" Alfonso: "Man, my life sucks. I'm broke and I ain't got a car." Suzy: "Dude, you own a house and your car's in the shop!" Alfonso: "Yeah." As I made my way through to his desk, I then asked to use his internet and logged on to whitepages.com. Alfonso continues, "Man, I can't wait for this life to get over with." I looked over to the left of his computer and spotted the photo of his wife. Suzy: "Yeah, I imagine the ol' lady was pissed..." Alfonso: "A good thing she was gone all weekend, so I didn't have to hear all that." Suzy: "Sooo... that ring costed something around 2 grand?" Alfonso: "You know something, Suzy? Don't you ever, EVER work for a suicide hotline!" I immediately put my hands to my face and burst into laughter. I went on the say in my early college years, and had considered it, but knew it just wouldn't work out. Alfonso: (as the hotline boss) "Umm... Suzy the suicide numbers have increased, we'd have to let you go..." Suzy: "Either that, or the assault charges would increase. Don't put up with abuse, man - get even!"
The end.
Lame, huh?
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9 comments:
Classic Suzy. As they say around the bend;
KEEP COMING BACK!!
Dude, Alfonso has it hard man. The wedding ring thing alone would get me in that place. But life goes on.
You, on a suicide hotline? Yeah, I heard they don't respond well to laughter over the phone!
:)
OK, off topic - maybe I should post this on a seperate post instead of a comment.
I'm really close to taking my damn profile pic off. I can't stand looking at it sometimes. Matt, sorry, you may be the only one soon with a pic up there besides Bo.
I like Craigs cartoons, but I'm thinking maybe using a number. Or posting my BHC logo up there. Or maybe two numbers - let's say 6 and um lets say 9. I don't know, does that sound fishy?
Anyway, maybe it's an esteem thing. But also, I jst get tired of seeing my pic sometimes.
I get tired of it too
Craig, man, I'm about to throw your ass in the middle of the ultimate tournament! When do you think of this stuff!
My remaining comeback for all future Divarsity Jabs -
you ready? This is a good one.
YO MAMA!
(OOOOHHHHHH!!!! BURNNNN!!!)
LOL
Dude Brad, man!!! That's sooo 1980!
bh,
I just had to see your picture 2 more times.
I guess that makes up for not seeing you Monday or Tuesday this week.
I think your pic's cute, but I can understand howa come youa don'ta wanta have ita posted all the timea...
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