My life without cable

Thursday night my cable went out. Over the last few days - I have watched the same 3 DVD's over again at night. I have gotten in the habit of watching TV before I go bed. "Radio" gets old halfway through the second time in a row. "50 First Dates" is funnier at 3-6 month intervals. "Rudy" is probably the best "My cable is out again-why don't I just cut if off and do something constructive" movie. Aside from the nightly movies, I forced myself to concentrate on my budget. Something I'm obviously procrastinating on tonight. The cable tech was scheduled to come out today and fix my cable but I had to go down and sign a permission to enter form at the leasing office. When I woke up this morning, trying to get to work on time, I skipped past the leasing office and figured I'd either come back at lunch and re-schedule the cable guy or I'd actually cancel my cable as a way to save money.

I came home for lunch and my cable was still off - and even though I had time to re-schedule it - I paased on it - deciding to delay or cancel. When I got home tonight - I noticed that the cable box had beeen moved. I wondered if I did it last night when I unplugged it. The cable guy shouldn't have come in, since I never signed a permission to enter form. I'm sure Yukki will lie her ass off about that one. I threw my first load in the laundry and was content I'd at least have something different to watch while I was working on my budget. Time passed by - I found myself stuck to the couch. There's still hope - if I quit typing now - to make something constructive of this evening. So I the cabe guy like the one Jim Carrey played years ago - someone who'll go to any lengths to keep cable in my life; breaks into my place and reads my blogs; puts some wierd chemical on my couch that keeps me pasted to it; hopes one day, I'll be home and he'll finally have a friend! Or ... are blogs addictive? Time-wasting and decieving, while we feel we're emptying our heart and opening our lives for motivation, we're really cursed to blog forever and ever - waiting the day the cold pizza heats up and we can eat from the fruitful tree of companionship and laughter, ha ha ha! Or am I lazy? Unmotivated? In such fear of a budget that sentences me to grilled cheese, white rice and tap ice water (ps - does anyone else get unidentified floaty things from tap water ice?) What will become of me now that cable has taken me hostage? Am I a prisoner to my own blindness? I must log off - I will logoff.

Canned Pineapple

Okay, so here's my Friday. And yes, it's 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep, well there's a big surprise. O.K. on with it...So it's Friday and I start the day late to work, as usual, and my boss hates me, nothing new. Except today I have a doctor's appointment at 2 o'clock, all the way on the other side of town, but on the up side I get to cut work early. So, hey, the wrenching pain in my side from the probable kidney infection only partially dampens the day, after all I am finally going to get in to the doctor and get some awesome antibiotics and I will be feeling right as rain very soon. WRONG. And then it begins. First, I am late leaving work because this yahoo decides to yak in my ear for EVER about some accounts receivable issue that I can't fix until my boss gets in , and I can't get him off the phone. So I blast outa there and begin my long trek across town to the doctor hoping I won't be late now, having to pee the whole way per the kidney infection. I finally reach my destination and can't find the damn building despite TomTom's directions, that bastard...I'm changing the voice on that thing back to Billy Bob's Sling Blade voice, mmmhhhu. I called the receptionist and she informs me that being fifteen minutes late is not acceptable and the doctor won't be able to see me, "Would you like to re-schedule?" ARRRG. Fine, whatever. Re-schedule this biotch! Too harsh, fine then, moving on. So now I'm pissed, in pain, and did I say pissed? I go home and wait for my husband to get home from work...he'll cheer me up and we can spend a nice quiet evening together, after all, we haven't seen each other all week as he has been out of town. I couldn't be more hopeful. And when I walk in the house I realize the place is a t-total wreck, dishes to the ceiling, I forgot trash day so there was this mysterious odor floating throughout the house, and I had no energy to begin housework of any kind. Then my husband comes in, I'm still brooding about missing my doctor's appointment and my inability to keep the house clean, and he informs me that he's going out with his friends (I love you dear), and I'm invited this time (lucky me). Sianara to the quiet evening for two. That's it. I'm going to bed even if it is 5:30 in the afternoon. So I'm asleep, finally, my troubles melting away into my dreams for nearly five hours, hence the reason I can't sleep at 2 in the morning. My husband decides to call...wakes me up...and is bringing home a late dinner. Oh good, I can get up and we can eat and watch our Netflix movie and have time together after all. Except he brings home one of his friends, so now I have to wash my face, tie my hair back, put on a bra and some perfume to be halfway presentable (which I probably should do for the husband anyway, sorry babe I don't live in a Betty crocker magazine from the fifties), but I'll be damned if I'm changing out of my PJ's . Vain? Maybe, who cares, not me. I managed to at least pick up the bathroom so his friend could pee in peace. Life is so fun. There's more. That late dinner the hubby brought home was cold pizza with pineapple on it...I don't know if my husband knows this, I thought he did, but I don't like canned pineapple. Fresh pineapple is lovely, but there is just something about canned that I cannot agree with. I have a feeling his friend wanted canadian bacon and pineapple. It's okay honey, I still love you, very much. Shut up and check the pizza! So I eat the dang pizza anyway because I can eat anything even if I don't like it, that's some good raising right there, and suffered through it. To go along with the bad pizza, my husband's friend in our messy house, me sick in my PJ's in a raging foul mood, we watch the worst movie I have seen since Dragon Wars. Nick Cage's Bangkok Dangerous, I want that hour and a-half of my life back. Believe me when I tell you there is NOTHING, I mean nothing dangerous about this one. And I love movies, I have an appreciation for film and can tolerate almost anything, but come on! Anyway, so I think finally the day is over and I can go back to bed and forget the whole day in peace. As I lay in bed as my husband snores peacefully, I am wide awake. What a surprise. I go smoke. Pace the garage. I text a friend whose call I should have answered earlier, sorry dude! I was in the middle of this really exhilarating movie...huh. Pet the cat. What to do now... Checkthepizza it is, even though no one reads these anymore, but now it's out there and maybe, just maybe someone will come along one day and say, "Dang Jess, checkthepizza, my day was four hundred times worse than that!" OVER IT. I am over it. The end.

...

My mind is blank...I have nothing to say...or do I? I cannot seem to get any ideas going for this post, for the weekend, for my life. As you all know, I like to post in different fonts and colors with a picture or two, you know, to entertain the reader...not today. I just cannot seem to come up with any witty antics to pull on you people...maybe this is a, whatdayacallit, writer's block...ah well, at least i haven't resorted to potty jokes...(ooo, burn Haines, a-burn) the end.

Words of Wisdom

The hardest thing in life is that tiny little shit you squeeze out.

Funny events in life #2

If you have diarrhea, and shit your pants, your should put your britches in the toilet to get all that shit out there to where it belongs. Then bleach the bastards. (The britches - not the terds)