What could I write?
What could I write? - Even to follow up Bo's Box of Wheaties - A sure retalition of something I said.
I came home and I sit here in my chair and check the blog. I'm somewhat content because in the first time in a while, I came home not feeling sick.. For a month or so, it seemed like I always felt sick. I explored it and went to the doctor. Stress was a major factor. So today, i should feel reall sick, but for some reason, I feel okay. Even a little hungry
The last 36 hours, I've been stressing about some serious financial issues. Realizing I had brought all my problems about myself, I couldn't be too pissed at the bank for the $320 in overdraft charge recently. I was left with depression, realizing all my problems arise out of myself. Sometimes, that realization really sucks ass and depresses the crap out of me. I'm getting closer and closer to just trying to resolve the problem and move on becasue I have to. But inside, my gut tightens and I lose my appetitie, because - hey, gues what, I fucked up once again. You know how tired I am of a little success being followed by a little failure? By a catharsis of happiness, being followed by a pit of dispair? By a moment of recognition being followed by a feeling of isolation?
Today, I saw my sickness, took my medicine and swallowed my pride and self pity, and did the next right thing. My feelings of doing right, don't always come right away. But I'm sure they will.
So there it is folks. Brad finally opens up the opportunity for someone to yell, "Check The Pizza!!" And I know, some of you insensitive bastards will! Can't you see I'm in pain!!
Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!!
(Runs off cryining like a ... a uh .... little gym girl! .... a balding, little gymnist ... girl ......?)
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3 comments:
Three steps forward, two steps back. One step forward, four steps back, ..... When I allow myself to live in the moment, I have to accept what all that moment, and those that too quickly follow, will bring.
Overdrawn; stripped of my job responsibilities; being labeled a " problem " by my supervisors; taking my change to the coin machines at Krogers for dollar bills; peanut butter, banana, and jam sandwhiches every day. Five steps back ?
Injections of a medicine that no longer work; pending lawsuits; pawn shops that won't take what I have. Three steps back ?
Meeting a sponsee for a meeting; taking him to dinner and breakast with other sober people; getting him ready for his fourth step. Three steps forward.
An unexpected lunch with a bud; a mutual sharing of our lives; listening, laughing, and learning; Realizing when it was over with, that the experience lasted for just a moment or two in the present, and then it was all gone. Three steps forward and one step back ?
Maybe four steps forward.
Keep moving, Brad
JOW
*sigh*
Life is too hard sometimes. Breathing in and out is all I seem too have time for. Money truely is the root of all evils...I don't have anything clever to say, except that I've CHECKed THE 99¢, carboard tasting, bought with a coupon, last thing in my freezer, left in the oven too long, not enough cheese, three months old PIZZA...and I don't think I want to eat it anymore. Peanut butter and jelly it is, then.
I said root, lol, bh you know what I mean.
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