Posthomous Horoscope (Cancer) - August 2009

Even though the month isn't over you feel compelled to write about it. Financial troubles will seem insurmountable, but will soon be over OR you will go jump off the nearest bridge, but only if there are no cute ducks swimming below. Those in your life who are unbelievably irritating you will soon stop it, or you will throw them off the nearest bridge, unless there's ducks. For next month, try to lose those extra pounds you packed on this year because of your uncontrollable appetite for brownies and ice cream. Your other vice or vices are a thing of the past except for those brownies of course, so go on a diet fatty! Your weekend from hell is over (minus the china drummer girls) and it will be many more moons before you have another one like it. And put your thinking cap on 'cause you are going back to class, uh....good luck with that.

Posthumous Horoscope (Cancer) April, May, June, July 2009

You will forget to blog for four months, no surprise there.