Deep Thoughts

My this blog page is like a pizza. And all the dots are pepperoni's.
My life is like a pizza, real mixed up. And all these dots are the toppings.
Some are faded and not memorable.
Some are bold and unforgettable.
And some moments are gone.
Aren't you glad this one is?

Posthomous Horoscope (Cancer) - August 2009

Even though the month isn't over you feel compelled to write about it. Financial troubles will seem insurmountable, but will soon be over OR you will go jump off the nearest bridge, but only if there are no cute ducks swimming below. Those in your life who are unbelievably irritating you will soon stop it, or you will throw them off the nearest bridge, unless there's ducks. For next month, try to lose those extra pounds you packed on this year because of your uncontrollable appetite for brownies and ice cream. Your other vice or vices are a thing of the past except for those brownies of course, so go on a diet fatty! Your weekend from hell is over (minus the china drummer girls) and it will be many more moons before you have another one like it. And put your thinking cap on 'cause you are going back to class, uh....good luck with that.

Posthumous Horoscope (Cancer) April, May, June, July 2009

You will forget to blog for four months, no surprise there.

My suprising week

So the week started out last Friday heading to Austin for the State Convention and ends for the purpose of this blog entry late Friday tonight.

Friday: Took off the whole day off work and started out packing and washing clothes. Work up uncharacteristically early on an off day. Around 8:30 am. Hey I could have been to work on time if I had gone in. Bo picked me up and we headed to get the RV ready for the trip and Tammy met us there. We stopped in Brenham for some DQ. I lost the last part of the trip entranced in Sudoku - getting my ass kicked by a puzzle - medium level - 25 minutes and counting. So I did what I had to do - I quit the game. RV generator wasn't working and somehow the side windows had cracked open so we were getting warm. Upon arrival, the generator wasn't working. After a phonecall, we discovered it was a safety feature of the RV that the generator kicked off to consevre gas when it hits 1/8th a tank or below. So we hit the Austin traffic with very little gas in search for a big station with diesel. We found it and it was right where we ended up giong dancing later that night.

Saturday met Jay and Veronica for lunch. Driving in Austin, I remembered what a nice city it was to look at - parts of it. I-35 isn't impressive, but most other parts are - either scenic or nostalgic. stayed at the hotel for the convention dance/concert that night. Sunday we where on the way home. We had shared the weekend in Austin with the ROT Bikers Rally. But our convention totted 1730 sober people on Saturday night. Stopped by DQ on the way home, by that time my body was tired and I kinda shut down for the rest of the day. Needless to say, got crap done that day, but I did go swimming at the cool pool, which I had wanted to for months.

Monday was chaotic. The shitty committee rented out my head for their own state convention. (State of Mind that is). Thier attendence was unknown but week represented as they tore up the place. They got kicked out by 7:30 that night as I entered the better part of the day (the last 4 hours). Tuesday, the committee crashed the place again, and ruined a perfectly good suprise for me ans they argued out in anger every good thing possible in my life, Wednesday was a better day. Thrusday was too. Friday the Shitty Committee made one last attempt to crash.

After a long day at work, I came home for a brief minute and saw my kitchen floor covered in water and the fridge and freezer had been off. What the hell happened here? I spoke with the apartment manager who promised to get maintainence out immediately. Came home that night to find more. One discovery was maintainence had used a small kitchen towel to soak up water and left the soaking dirty towel on my countertop. But it was folded up ... thanks for folding it you ASSHOLE! Then I stepped back out into the living room and something cuaght my eye. A staineed ceiling and couch.

Turns out a water pipe had burst next door, so said the upstiars neighbor who had water in his kitchen too. The water pipe mystery found it's was from the bottom floor apartment next to me, up into the apartment above me. Something's fishy - and I got left with the fun part of it. Bad food in the fridge - not sure what that has to do with the pump. A wet floor, dirty towl and stained soon to be moldy ceiling. I am so ready for the weekend. After Friday night a note was posted at the front door to the Shitty Committee.

"No committee meeting tonight. Meetings suspended until further notice due to the unpredicatable behaviour of the attendees of this meeting. In the mean time, talk amongst YOURSELVES and find out who's in charge of your committee. You may submit your nominations before re-entering the premises, but chances are some of us in here already know Who's in charge. And it's not who you think. -Sincerely Peace, Serenity and Hope."

Enjoy your week. Would love to hear about it as long as it's not written by your committees' members in standing.

Posthumous Horoscope (Aries) - April 2009

Here's something new this month, you will struggle with finances. Oh wait, that's not new, you'll just react emotionally - every time - like this is a new problem. Mornings will bring you lots of grouchiness. You have made a decision to not go to your April retreat, and it's actually one of your better ideas - so the more you quietly whine inside about it - the less of a better idea it becomes. You day dream about money, sex, and finding your adoption papers. But in reality, your broke, horny, sexless and yes, this is your real family. Oh yeah, on a final note, it rains a lot this month. Did you NOT see that coming? HELLO!? APRIL SHOWERS? Duh.

Posthumous Horoscope (Aries) - March 2009

Your days ahead will be wide open with opportunities as long as your mouth is tightly closed. Watch out for non-verbal "I told you so's" - they piss off others as much as they piss you off.

Have a few nervous breakdowns this month - it's good for the bowels - get's all the shit out of your system. When you're done shitting on the pot (still with the potty humour?), you'll find that the world actually proceeded on.

This is your time of the year, and most people will forget that as they're waiting for their time to come. Happy Birthday fucko, you'll have to work all day but come home grateful to be alive. Did I mention you're still alone?

Posthumous Horoscpoe (Cancer) - March 2009

You will soon see that March will be an uneventful month and that spring is late coming in your part of the world. Prepare for many more cold days and nights.

Those far from you will celebrate with parties much this month, but you will sit at home, alone, in the dark, wondering why, this late in life, you have become an expert at throwing your own kind of party, the self pity party.

You are reminded by a long lost friend that you are not the only one in the world with problems, and you are conflicted when you argue that your problems feel very big and real to you, even though you know there is horrific human suffering across the globe way far worse than any stupid "problems" you may have.

You will experience extreme homesickness this month and be very lonely. Your flowers will not bloom until next month, and maybe not even then. Haha.

Live Like No One Else

First off, Brian, thanks for the piece of flair with that quote.

"Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else."

I just got done having a conversation about that - a lengthy and frank conversation.
As I sit here bolloging - I am swallowing the decision I am trying to live up to. Doing what I have to do just to get closer to live like everyone else, happily and without extreme amounts of guilt, self-loathing, regret and stress about me - my life - my money.

Most times I hear quotes like that and I balk. I've been known to balk my way to the bank and cash my check to cover my overdraft.

Tonight, I am trying to get back on track with my Dave Ramsey course after 4 weeks of class, 3 days of trying. I opened my mouth and told my friend I was ready to start living like no one else, starting with my cable, my addiction to mind-numbing hours of TV in place of exercise, budgeting, advancing my career. Don't get me wrong, I've made empty statements before. As I walked in the door, my usual habit is to grab a smoke, turn on the TV, turn on the laptop and veg. I came home tonight and walked around to the couch, realizing what could happen. I could have just poured out my heart and fears and get all pumped up, ("I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"), and then resolve my self, and my morals, resting on the couch. Then I came in my room and again, had to restrain from turning on my bedroom TV. This is going to be rough, but nothing bad can come from it.

That quote has been running through my mind so many times in the last few weeks. As I logged into Facebook and ran across that old flair thing, which I missed the first time, it reminded me I was on the right path.

I didn't really know him that well

Tonight I learned a guy I went to a few meetings with passed away a few nights ago. They think he was riding his bike and had a stroke, and he was hit by a car. His wife was handicapped and he was taking care of her.

The announcement was made after the meeting and Bo and I quickly figured out who it was. This guy was the nicest guy you'd ever meet. He had been sober for 2 to 3 years. I spoke with the guy who announced it a little after dinner. A few others I talked to before and after. There was a consensus - "I didn't really know him that well, but he was a nice guy".

These situations always stop you in your tracks and and puts some humbling thoughts out there. Personally, when I found out, I was going to miss the short conversations we had every week. I just took for granted the conversations and thought I'd have a longer conversation someday. Someday we'd catch up. I just couldn't believe it. Larry is gone. And I missed the conversations we never got to have.

To a few of my friends out there, they know they call me and there is never a short conversation. And to some there are always the short ones. I'd like to find a middle ground. Not fall to heavy on some friendship and not take for granted others.

Hopefully this hasn't been too morbid. I would like to think I'm not disrespecting Larry by using his passing to reflect on some idea of my life. But hopefully I am respecting him by reminding myself, every once in a while, to change my conversations at times, and to remember the nice guy that you don't really know.

There's another man who I have known for 6 years and recently, I have had longer conversations with him and have enjoyed those conversations.

My life without cable

Thursday night my cable went out. Over the last few days - I have watched the same 3 DVD's over again at night. I have gotten in the habit of watching TV before I go bed. "Radio" gets old halfway through the second time in a row. "50 First Dates" is funnier at 3-6 month intervals. "Rudy" is probably the best "My cable is out again-why don't I just cut if off and do something constructive" movie. Aside from the nightly movies, I forced myself to concentrate on my budget. Something I'm obviously procrastinating on tonight. The cable tech was scheduled to come out today and fix my cable but I had to go down and sign a permission to enter form at the leasing office. When I woke up this morning, trying to get to work on time, I skipped past the leasing office and figured I'd either come back at lunch and re-schedule the cable guy or I'd actually cancel my cable as a way to save money.

I came home for lunch and my cable was still off - and even though I had time to re-schedule it - I paased on it - deciding to delay or cancel. When I got home tonight - I noticed that the cable box had beeen moved. I wondered if I did it last night when I unplugged it. The cable guy shouldn't have come in, since I never signed a permission to enter form. I'm sure Yukki will lie her ass off about that one. I threw my first load in the laundry and was content I'd at least have something different to watch while I was working on my budget. Time passed by - I found myself stuck to the couch. There's still hope - if I quit typing now - to make something constructive of this evening. So I the cabe guy like the one Jim Carrey played years ago - someone who'll go to any lengths to keep cable in my life; breaks into my place and reads my blogs; puts some wierd chemical on my couch that keeps me pasted to it; hopes one day, I'll be home and he'll finally have a friend! Or ... are blogs addictive? Time-wasting and decieving, while we feel we're emptying our heart and opening our lives for motivation, we're really cursed to blog forever and ever - waiting the day the cold pizza heats up and we can eat from the fruitful tree of companionship and laughter, ha ha ha! Or am I lazy? Unmotivated? In such fear of a budget that sentences me to grilled cheese, white rice and tap ice water (ps - does anyone else get unidentified floaty things from tap water ice?) What will become of me now that cable has taken me hostage? Am I a prisoner to my own blindness? I must log off - I will logoff.

Canned Pineapple

Okay, so here's my Friday. And yes, it's 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep, well there's a big surprise. O.K. on with it...So it's Friday and I start the day late to work, as usual, and my boss hates me, nothing new. Except today I have a doctor's appointment at 2 o'clock, all the way on the other side of town, but on the up side I get to cut work early. So, hey, the wrenching pain in my side from the probable kidney infection only partially dampens the day, after all I am finally going to get in to the doctor and get some awesome antibiotics and I will be feeling right as rain very soon. WRONG. And then it begins. First, I am late leaving work because this yahoo decides to yak in my ear for EVER about some accounts receivable issue that I can't fix until my boss gets in , and I can't get him off the phone. So I blast outa there and begin my long trek across town to the doctor hoping I won't be late now, having to pee the whole way per the kidney infection. I finally reach my destination and can't find the damn building despite TomTom's directions, that bastard...I'm changing the voice on that thing back to Billy Bob's Sling Blade voice, mmmhhhu. I called the receptionist and she informs me that being fifteen minutes late is not acceptable and the doctor won't be able to see me, "Would you like to re-schedule?" ARRRG. Fine, whatever. Re-schedule this biotch! Too harsh, fine then, moving on. So now I'm pissed, in pain, and did I say pissed? I go home and wait for my husband to get home from work...he'll cheer me up and we can spend a nice quiet evening together, after all, we haven't seen each other all week as he has been out of town. I couldn't be more hopeful. And when I walk in the house I realize the place is a t-total wreck, dishes to the ceiling, I forgot trash day so there was this mysterious odor floating throughout the house, and I had no energy to begin housework of any kind. Then my husband comes in, I'm still brooding about missing my doctor's appointment and my inability to keep the house clean, and he informs me that he's going out with his friends (I love you dear), and I'm invited this time (lucky me). Sianara to the quiet evening for two. That's it. I'm going to bed even if it is 5:30 in the afternoon. So I'm asleep, finally, my troubles melting away into my dreams for nearly five hours, hence the reason I can't sleep at 2 in the morning. My husband decides to call...wakes me up...and is bringing home a late dinner. Oh good, I can get up and we can eat and watch our Netflix movie and have time together after all. Except he brings home one of his friends, so now I have to wash my face, tie my hair back, put on a bra and some perfume to be halfway presentable (which I probably should do for the husband anyway, sorry babe I don't live in a Betty crocker magazine from the fifties), but I'll be damned if I'm changing out of my PJ's . Vain? Maybe, who cares, not me. I managed to at least pick up the bathroom so his friend could pee in peace. Life is so fun. There's more. That late dinner the hubby brought home was cold pizza with pineapple on it...I don't know if my husband knows this, I thought he did, but I don't like canned pineapple. Fresh pineapple is lovely, but there is just something about canned that I cannot agree with. I have a feeling his friend wanted canadian bacon and pineapple. It's okay honey, I still love you, very much. Shut up and check the pizza! So I eat the dang pizza anyway because I can eat anything even if I don't like it, that's some good raising right there, and suffered through it. To go along with the bad pizza, my husband's friend in our messy house, me sick in my PJ's in a raging foul mood, we watch the worst movie I have seen since Dragon Wars. Nick Cage's Bangkok Dangerous, I want that hour and a-half of my life back. Believe me when I tell you there is NOTHING, I mean nothing dangerous about this one. And I love movies, I have an appreciation for film and can tolerate almost anything, but come on! Anyway, so I think finally the day is over and I can go back to bed and forget the whole day in peace. As I lay in bed as my husband snores peacefully, I am wide awake. What a surprise. I go smoke. Pace the garage. I text a friend whose call I should have answered earlier, sorry dude! I was in the middle of this really exhilarating movie...huh. Pet the cat. What to do now... Checkthepizza it is, even though no one reads these anymore, but now it's out there and maybe, just maybe someone will come along one day and say, "Dang Jess, checkthepizza, my day was four hundred times worse than that!" OVER IT. I am over it. The end.

...

My mind is blank...I have nothing to say...or do I? I cannot seem to get any ideas going for this post, for the weekend, for my life. As you all know, I like to post in different fonts and colors with a picture or two, you know, to entertain the reader...not today. I just cannot seem to come up with any witty antics to pull on you people...maybe this is a, whatdayacallit, writer's block...ah well, at least i haven't resorted to potty jokes...(ooo, burn Haines, a-burn) the end.

Words of Wisdom

The hardest thing in life is that tiny little shit you squeeze out.

Funny events in life #2

If you have diarrhea, and shit your pants, your should put your britches in the toilet to get all that shit out there to where it belongs. Then bleach the bastards. (The britches - not the terds)

Posthumous Horoscope (Cancer) - February 2009

You will find February to be a month of emotional ups and downs. Not the smooth peaks and valleys of normal emotional wellness, but more like plummeting down steep jagged cliff lows complemented by hot air balloon rides where the air is so thin you can't breath highs. Simply put, your family will think you have lost your damn mind.

Valentine's Day will not bode well this year, as you will be at the bottom of that emotional cliff in a deep ravine with two broken legs, but fortunately your lover is there to kick your ass into gear and get you moving again. Also, a weekend marathon of eighties movies will calm your nerves.

Nurturing as you are Cancer, you find this to be a hard task this month. The child in your life will be lucky to escape alive.

Spend time this month being creative to celebrate someone you love who is far away...even though the green afro-wig, homemade pickle band-aid magnets, and handmade pop-up birthday card, featuring this certain loved one disco dancing on a giant cupcake with a bobbling head, will not be as funny to them as it was to you. This will send you back into the ravine....

On a high note, *gasp gasp*, your spouse will become blessed with a potentially lucrative career opportunity, and you will have desperate hope that this is the break you have been waiting for a very, very long time now...and all your happiness and all your dreams become hindged on whether or not this opportunity will pan out. As a Cancer, your need to put all your eggs in one hot air balloon will put cracking pressure on your loved one to succeed.

Good luck next month!

Definition of the day - Feb 27 2009

posthumous:
following or occurring after death

Fuuny events in life #1

The other night, I farted in bed and woke my dog up as she barked, I laughed. She went back to sleep. Then I farted again.

The Posthumous Horoscopes

So here's the deal with these - if anyone is alive and cares to contribute - write your own horoscope for the previous month. (For those anal-retentives out there - wait til March 1st - it'll calm your nerves)

Title it:
Posthumous Horoscope (Your astrological sign) - Last month and year.

Write the things you think your horoscope would have said to you based on the experience of last month or things you would have like to read or 'had a feeling' about before they happened.

For Example,

Posthumous Horoscope (Capricorn) - Feb. 2009

You will find a cold day of the month in the high mountains. As a Capricorn, you choose to ski on it of all things! Your friends may having nothing else to do, but write Posthumous Horoscopes. Humor them, they are hot-headed and egotistical.

Posthumous Horoscope (Aries) - Feb 2009

As an Aries, you are hot-headed and egotistical, don't let this get you in troubled waters in your workplace. Valentines Day brings you a horny older companion that may rub their breast on you for half an hour because you asked them to dance, go out for a cigarette and don't come back the same way. Your transportation troubles continue to bring you grief, misery, frustration and confusion. As an Aries, you are hot-headed and egotistical, once again, don't let this get you into troubled waters in your workplace - dumbass. Remember, an all day marathon of The Biggest Loser is not considered a constructive day. To drop you Aries' a little slack, you will find the month went by quicker. You are an adult child and an alcoholic - your acceptance comes form nowhere else but within yourself.

Check the Pizza finds a face-book

what up!

Good to see everyone on facebook!

For those not on it - check the pizza!

seriously - get on it - get linked in to us there!

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
--Helen Keller

And so it is, the posting and the blogging fad has come and gone. How quickly we abandon what gives us pleasure no more. Is this a void of burnt crispiness in which I punch key after key after key in some small shred of hope for someone, somewhere to glance a glimpse into my thoughts written in desperation?

Pizza was good once, but no, we leave the uneaten piece alone in its box to dry up and congeal into a hard sauced mess. But such is the way of things in a world where our ever advancing technological manic addictions are overcoming us all and we move on to fresher, spiceier, tastier pizza than the stale ninety-nine cent cardboard boxed kinds we all used to think were so neat.

All I can say is, the burnt pizza has been checked...

Or has it?

When the cold wind blows ...

Winter. cold. not as much here as other places. enjoy the blog. ...