A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know
what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class
Friday, August 31, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
The Parrot
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot . . . there was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
'Why so little, ' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up. In her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her and said,
'New house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought that's really not so bad. When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw and said,
'New house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. the bird looked at him and said,
'Hi, Keith!'
'Why so little, ' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up. In her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her and said,
'New house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought that's really not so bad. When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw and said,
'New house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. the bird looked at him and said,
'Hi, Keith!'
Monday, August 27, 2007
Saturday at Schlitterbahn
This last Saturday I went to Schlitterbahn with my sister, nephew, her friend and daughter - who also calls me Uncle Brad, and a friend of theirs. Although I have been enjoying my camera on my new phone (see Da' Pizza Box), I had to leave it in the lockers. I wanted ot take pictures of some of the cool stuff there. The only pictures I had were after. But I did find this promotional video on the Schlitterbahn site. Part of the park that we went to just opened this summer. It had a ride that twisted around. What really amazed me was how realistic the video was. Keep in mind, the video was done in 3D. Although the presentation was dull, the actual modeling and realization was amazing. If wanted to look through my eyes late Saturday afternoon around 2 to 3 pm, this would be it. Check it out. (PS - The image will take you to a larger map)
Don't mess with old women
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Don't Mess With Old Ladies
If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone you know.
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Don't Mess With Old Ladies
If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone you know.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Update
I know I haven't been keeping up with everyone like I should, so I hope everyone is doing well. Just an update on myself, I'm FINALLY headed back to school. ugh. Luckily, I'll be taking college algebra, which I SHOULD do decently. *crosses fingers* Work is going well for the most part and life is just moving along. So, if anyone has any ?'s, drop me a line. Otherwise, I'll keep posting lil jokes and just stuff on here when time allows.
Matt
Matt
Definition
Why is ORGASM a 6 letter word??
Because it's easier to spell than OhmyGodyesohshitdeeperyesGodpleasefuckyesyesyesfuckmebaby!!
Have a good day :)
Because it's easier to spell than OhmyGodyesohshitdeeperyesGodpleasefuckyesyesyesfuckmebaby!!
Have a good day :)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
It's still happening!!
Brad, your post didn't make the count go up on my board. It still reads 246, which was the number when I put my last post up. Am I going retarded?? LOL
Guess what I saw at Wild West ....
Coming out of Wild West after a set of exhausting but fun polkas and a little anxiety abut being chased down a few weeks ago, I saw this parked pretty close to behind my truck.
Roobby Dooo!!!
Roobby Dooo!!!
Friday, August 10, 2007
is it just me?
I log into the blog this morning and see that there are 245 posts. I"m thinking great, more reading material due to 3 new blogs, or so I think. I get into the blogs, and I only see 1 new blog. WTF? Are the blogs being hidden? Is this happening to anyone else?
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Pictures break it all up.
I was thinking, it seems to me like I get things better in chunks of information rather than one line stream of information, beginning to end.I often find I read magazines and newspapers faster and more often becuase pictures and graphics and illustrations break up the pages. So for the sole purpose of breaking up information, I am posting a picture and reminding you all that if you click on the link to the left called "Da Pizza Box" - it will be filled up periodically with pictures from my cell phone and other pictures.
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