Brian's grandmother

I just received this email from Jess...

Brian's grandmother died last night in a car accident, we will miss her very much--we are traveling to Texas tommorrow for her funeral. Keep us in your prayers. Love Jess

Just thought everyone would want to know and keep them in your prayers!

Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a

distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the

flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend

5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as

Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable

programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the

system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no

avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

------------ --------- --------- -------

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while

Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command:

"I Thought You Loved Me.exe" and try to download Tears 6.2 and

don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works

as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications

Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above

application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,

Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 it is a very bad program that

will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT

install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will

eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are

unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited

memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider

buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend

Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Here I go again...

Well, this is it. Tomorrow is officially my last day at ION... The who? What's that? Haha... I can't say I will miss being quizzed either. Just one year and four months after Brad left the company - I'm also moving on to better things. It's not that the company is all that bad: the problem is, after learning all aspects of the business you realize you have nowhere to go within the station. It literally becomes a waiting game to advance in the field. I want to move up while I'm still somewhat young and motivated. Even my own engineer admitted it would be best to work in several markets under different job categories, before reaping the benefit of working in broadcast media. So all day today, I'm called a "traitor"! But damn, I'm scared too - I mean, I'm leaving a "family" to become someone else's "step-child". I can only hope I'm as valued at the new company, as Brad and I were working at ION. Having seniority had its perks, but when boredom sets in - it's time for a new beginning. I got off the phone with Brad about an hour or so ago, and I asked if he would have interest working in television. If so, maybe he and I could commute to FSN together! Come on Brad, it could save us on gas!

Yet Another Chinese Toy Recall

DECOY

Only a person in Texas could think of this.

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other
patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--,flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."


ALL OF MY PROUD FUCKIN' TEXANS

Money at the root no more

I have come to the conclusion, not suddenly, but upon years and years of gradually accumulating and piecing together the information from life, that money is absolutely the root of all evils, but not for much longer in my little arena of life. Many of you may fervently disagree, and that is o.k. So, upon this conclusion that I have made, I have decided that I will strive everyday to no longer allow money to control my life. Money will no longer have its power over me, and the black hole that I face with tremendous fear and trepidation every time I have to pay the weekly bills, will no more suck me into its spirit crushing vortex of darkness. My goal is to be free from the gripping claws of the almighty green and begin to live my life for crying out loud already. I am in debt up to my eyeballs, I can barely afford food, I certainly cannot afford to buy clothes or shoes or anything that I dare want. This is o.k. This is great. This is not what defines me. I am not what I eat or buy or spend or consume...Money does not make me who I am or what I can be. It is a prison. A spirit killer. A drug. A demon passing through the hands of everyone alive. Does your money define you? Determine the way you live? Necessary for survival? Uh huh. It is time for us to let go and be free to live again.

Single Dads Now?

I will not apologize for the intrusion of my academics onto you people, but look at it this way, you are lending a helping hand to a struggling student in need of your most valued opinion. So, without further adieu, I will ask you this:

Do you know any single fathers?...Describe them. How and why do you think society views single dads differently from single moms? What do you think when you imagine a single dad?

Your answers are highly and greatly appreciated, and if I had money, I would pay you to answer, but I do not have money, only the love in my heart for you who took the time to respond.

Thank you and good day.