Posthumous Horoscope (Aries) - March 2009

Your days ahead will be wide open with opportunities as long as your mouth is tightly closed. Watch out for non-verbal "I told you so's" - they piss off others as much as they piss you off.

Have a few nervous breakdowns this month - it's good for the bowels - get's all the shit out of your system. When you're done shitting on the pot (still with the potty humour?), you'll find that the world actually proceeded on.

This is your time of the year, and most people will forget that as they're waiting for their time to come. Happy Birthday fucko, you'll have to work all day but come home grateful to be alive. Did I mention you're still alone?

Posthumous Horoscpoe (Cancer) - March 2009

You will soon see that March will be an uneventful month and that spring is late coming in your part of the world. Prepare for many more cold days and nights.

Those far from you will celebrate with parties much this month, but you will sit at home, alone, in the dark, wondering why, this late in life, you have become an expert at throwing your own kind of party, the self pity party.

You are reminded by a long lost friend that you are not the only one in the world with problems, and you are conflicted when you argue that your problems feel very big and real to you, even though you know there is horrific human suffering across the globe way far worse than any stupid "problems" you may have.

You will experience extreme homesickness this month and be very lonely. Your flowers will not bloom until next month, and maybe not even then. Haha.

Live Like No One Else

First off, Brian, thanks for the piece of flair with that quote.

"Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else."

I just got done having a conversation about that - a lengthy and frank conversation.
As I sit here bolloging - I am swallowing the decision I am trying to live up to. Doing what I have to do just to get closer to live like everyone else, happily and without extreme amounts of guilt, self-loathing, regret and stress about me - my life - my money.

Most times I hear quotes like that and I balk. I've been known to balk my way to the bank and cash my check to cover my overdraft.

Tonight, I am trying to get back on track with my Dave Ramsey course after 4 weeks of class, 3 days of trying. I opened my mouth and told my friend I was ready to start living like no one else, starting with my cable, my addiction to mind-numbing hours of TV in place of exercise, budgeting, advancing my career. Don't get me wrong, I've made empty statements before. As I walked in the door, my usual habit is to grab a smoke, turn on the TV, turn on the laptop and veg. I came home tonight and walked around to the couch, realizing what could happen. I could have just poured out my heart and fears and get all pumped up, ("I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"), and then resolve my self, and my morals, resting on the couch. Then I came in my room and again, had to restrain from turning on my bedroom TV. This is going to be rough, but nothing bad can come from it.

That quote has been running through my mind so many times in the last few weeks. As I logged into Facebook and ran across that old flair thing, which I missed the first time, it reminded me I was on the right path.

I didn't really know him that well

Tonight I learned a guy I went to a few meetings with passed away a few nights ago. They think he was riding his bike and had a stroke, and he was hit by a car. His wife was handicapped and he was taking care of her.

The announcement was made after the meeting and Bo and I quickly figured out who it was. This guy was the nicest guy you'd ever meet. He had been sober for 2 to 3 years. I spoke with the guy who announced it a little after dinner. A few others I talked to before and after. There was a consensus - "I didn't really know him that well, but he was a nice guy".

These situations always stop you in your tracks and and puts some humbling thoughts out there. Personally, when I found out, I was going to miss the short conversations we had every week. I just took for granted the conversations and thought I'd have a longer conversation someday. Someday we'd catch up. I just couldn't believe it. Larry is gone. And I missed the conversations we never got to have.

To a few of my friends out there, they know they call me and there is never a short conversation. And to some there are always the short ones. I'd like to find a middle ground. Not fall to heavy on some friendship and not take for granted others.

Hopefully this hasn't been too morbid. I would like to think I'm not disrespecting Larry by using his passing to reflect on some idea of my life. But hopefully I am respecting him by reminding myself, every once in a while, to change my conversations at times, and to remember the nice guy that you don't really know.

There's another man who I have known for 6 years and recently, I have had longer conversations with him and have enjoyed those conversations.