Deleting Blogs

That bastard administrator deleted my last blog!

I guess he wants to live in fantasy where there is only happy things!

Nightmare on Elmside

It was a Saturday. I had a long day in the sun. I went to a tee-ball game. I mowed and edged my sisters yard. I went swimming.

By 4 pm I had a headache that wouldn't go away. A storm was rolling through, though I had no idea how it would end.

I layed down on the couch to rest off my headache. I have no idea when I fell asleep. I should have listened when they told me, ... "NEVER CLOSE YOUR EYES."

I watched movie after movie and my head still pounded. It was storming and most times, the heavy rain would relax me. This time, it was like each drop stung my forehead. I turned away from that glowing tv light for a second and closed my eyes. No light. Darkness. Relief. The tv turned off. Did I have it on a timer. I'd keep it off for awhile. Next thing I knew, I had got a few winks nodding off, but was awaken to, "Hey,.... hey you." It was coming from the tv, I turned around. The TV was on. It was a commercial. I must have dozed off and the tv turning off before was part of a dream. I flipped the channel. I don't need any stupid ass commercial freaking me out. I watched another movie. Night fell. The headache still lasting. My body and eyes were getting tired. I lay on the couch with the lights off and the tv on staring at the roof, thinking about I had just got my hair trimmed and I should shave tomorrow to clean up for the weak. Then I heard a loud noise. A clang. i wondered if it was from outside. I got up and nothing was outside, So before I lay down for another spell, I'd take a piss. And in the sink, was my shaving can. That's what the noise was. But there is no way it could have dropped in there. It was sitting in the same place since that morning.

Alright, if it was a ghost, I could accept that. So I began another movie and spell on the couch. The phone rang. It was my friend Steve.

"Hey man, what's going on with you today?"
"Nothing, just sitting here on the couch."
"Sounds like a relaxing day."
"Something like that, where's my smokes? - Anyway, what's up with you?"
"Driving home on this long stretch of a bridge back to Baton Rouge"
"Hey can you hold on a second man? I left my smokes in my room. I'm gonna through on a shirt and go out for a smoke."
"Sure man,"

I walked in my room, grabbed a shirt froom earlier that day, tossed it on and walked back to the couch to grab my phone. Only it was on a different table. I picked it up. There was noone there. So I wnet out for my smoke and came back in. As I layed on the couch, the phone rang. It was Steve again.

"Hey man, what happened?" I asked.
"Hey man, what's going on with you today?"
"Nothing, just sitting here on the couch."
"Sounds like a relaxing day."
"Something like that - " I cut myself off, I was eniding this de ja vu experience, so I was thinking of how to change the conversation.
"How far is your drive?"
"Forever. To hell. What's it matter."

That was kind of morbid I thought.

"I gotta go man, I'll give you a call back." I said.
"Sure. Talk to you later."

As soon as I hung up, the phone rang again. Steve again. Must have been a missed connection, so I didn't answer. I smoked another Marlboro and came back inside.

The phone rang again. Steve again.

"What's up man?", I asked.
"Have you woken up yet?" He asked real strange and morbidly.
"Huh?"
"From your nightmare, have you woekn up yet?"
"Steve?"
"Anwser me have you woken up yet?"

He was freaking me out. So I hung up.

Then a knock on the door. As I slowly approached the peekhole, the phone rang again. I let it ring a few times as I looked through the door. A stranger stood at the door in a sweater and tan jeans, but I couldn't see a face, they where so close to the door. It surely wasn't anyone I knew. I went back and grabbed the phone, and answered it.

"Hey man," I whispered, "I gotta keep you on the phone, but not say anything. someones at the door."
"Sure man", Steve said quietly.
"You haven't woken up yet have you?", he said quietly ansd solemnly, "that's why he's at the door."
"Your fucking freaking me out man."
"You haven't woken up yet man. I'm in the water"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Your asleep"
"What the fuck are you talking about man?" I yelled in anger.

Three booming knocks on the door. And then chills went up my spiine as a strnage voice yelled through the door,

"He said you're asleep!"

My body lunged up from the couch and sweat poured from my forehead. I woke up.

(All of this was a fiction except for the shaving can thing: - whih sent m imagination on this whole story. That and seeing Nightmare on Elmstreet the night before on TV. Hope you enjoyed)

Oh Little Piggy O' Mine

"This Little Piggy

Had None, and

Squealed

WeeWeeWee

all the Way Home!"

(my bank account)
donations accepted

Dear Whoever the F##k cares,

Why do things,(life, love, and laughter) have to be so....my apologies for the vulgarity, Bo...GD F**k'n, over ridiculously, unbelievably, and intolerably frickn' complicated!? And don't even answer my cynically connotated rhetorical question with: 'life wouldn't be interesting without challenges' or 'it's not that bad, it could be worse, you should be grateful, look on the bright side...' Here is the bright side of my big fat white shining ASS!!!

Don't mess with me.

I am from Texas.

And I believe in the right to complain, and have a bad day.

So bite me and the horse I rode out on!

Signed,

The Princess


Post Script: I will explain the balloons later, which is a great tale, but now I have to go wash my hair.

Well, so much for a productive hour...

(this photo has nothing to do with this article)
The Devil wears Prada, I do not. I never have been a fashion guru, nor do I care to become one. Why should I advertise a label on my butt to promote a product for free? They should pay me to wear their clothes. Now, this does not mean I have given an ultimatum of never wearing labels or using brand names; I do live in the real world, ya know. But I am not exactly attracted to them either.

Labels, as we all know, are not exclusive to clothing lines. They apply to everything like cars, bars, stores, toys, candy, coffee, soda, soaps, deodarant, toothpaste, toilet paper, frozen pizzas, delivery pizzas, stereos, TV's, game systems, fast food, and everything else we consume with a brand name.

My dilemma is that I have fallen prey to the consumer driven society that we all live in and have developed a sense of preference for a few certain items, some of which include: Mazda, Side Pockets, Wal-Mart *sigh*, Tide (thanks Brad), Marlboro, Hasbro gummi bears, Blue Bell the best ice cream in the country, Hershey's, Altoids, Coke, Dr.Pepper, Folger's, Secret, Crest, Charmin, Digorno's -its not delivery, PapaJohn's, Sony, Play Station, Sketchers, Levis, T-Mobile, Jack-in-the-Box, Wendy's, and What-A-Burger. To name a few.

So, my day begins by drinking a cup of Folger's, putting on Secret, brushing with Crest, then driving to work in the Mazda, and answering my T-mobile when I get there. Lunch happens at Wendy's, all the while I'm wishing they had a JackintheBox or Whataburger in this part of the midwest, but they do not, so I sip on my Dr. Pepper while walking into the Wal-Mart to by some more Tide to do laundry tonight. After lunch, I pop an Altoid, the strongest mint and think of what to make for dinner. PapaJohn's sounds good with Bluebell for dessert, we can play play station tonight while waiting for the pizza, and man I can't wait to get out of these heels and hose and into my Levis and Sketchers. I think I'll have a gummi bear. A Hasbro gummi bear. We should meet at Sidepockets for a beer, I say to my spouse, and don't forget the Camels.

I am doomed. We all are. We are consumers of the Brand Name. Our brains are washed. Our money is spent. I need a Marlboro and a Corona with lime please. And Thank you.

Happy Belated to Suzy!!!!

And Happy Birthday to Suzy!

Where's this cake!

Suzy - 29 and 1 left!

Have all the fun you can; one more year and your boobs start dropping!!

Glad I got the opportunity to work with you!!

How it all began

Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the
coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:

Liberals and Conservatives

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the The
Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as girliemen. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and
the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept
in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get
MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond
to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it.

A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this
history that it will be forwarded immediately

................

nothing really going on here....just dropping a line to you guys to say hi and stuff. Happy belated bday Jess!! Wish we coulda thrown you a bash.

Anyhow...hope everyone's well.....will talk to y'all later

Happy Belated Birthday!!!!!

From the worst, cheapest and forgetful friend in the world!!

To the best, hottest best friend I have - (sorry Craig) !!!

Happy, happy 30th B-day to Ms Kitty KC!!!!


Happy Belated Jess! I know on July 9th, 1976 something great came in to this world! I am very happy to have you as a friend and glad that you, Brian, and I all found each other again. I miss yall, but you're exactly where you're supposed to be. I was happy to be best man for you two - regardless of the crappy/sappy toast!

30! Damn girl. Getting Old! That's cool though - most on this blog have already been there and are older. I still haven't gotten a card up there, but I wanted to tell you happy birthday.

Also, Congrats on the New Job!!

So Many life changes. Almost makes ya have a nervous breakdown or panic attacks! J/J!

Happy Bday and Congrats!

bh11702

And she's back...

I would like to issue a formal apology to all of my fellow members of Check The Pizza for having fallen off the face of the planet for these last months or however long it has been. I would blame my absence on the self-centered introverted state of withdrawal resulting from the dark depression I have been suffering, but that would just be a pitifully lame excuse.
So, I am sorry.
I'm sure you have ALL just missed me something awful.

Seriously, if you can take anything I say seriously, I do regret having missed all of the wonderful posts....I've once again allowed myself to miss out on all the fun. Man, I need therapy.

Love to you and yo' mammas...

The story of Me, Myself, & I...

It stinks in here. I think Lindsay (my cat) farted.

Woops! Sorry 'bout that, was gettin' off into a tangent. ::chuckles::

There was this feller named Me, see? Me likes roses. Me likes'em 'cause they're so purrty. But one day, Me stepped in a puddle of water while walkin' the block around'er two & got all muddied up. So Me, then, went o'er yonder to the neighbor's house. Out walked ol' Myself...

Myself was in a bad mood. Apperently, the day wadn't right & Myself just had a chip on the ol' shoulder from it all so Myself came on out to try'n talk it over with Me.

"Son of a bitch, Me! Ya ain't gone guess what happened to yers truely today!", Myself'd expressed. "Had a talk with muh' lawyer & it seems I owe the bank damn near $500!"

"Ya don't say!", replied Me. "That cheeyit's funny 'cause I had to call a feller, today, from werk about his $500 he owed my bank! Recon that was you??!"

"Well, dudn't that beat all!!", Myself expressed, rather loudly.

Just two houses down, another neighbor heard the ruckuss & decided to throw an ear out the winder for a listen. But upon doin' so, the winder seal snapped & I fell through with a loud crash & a bang. About that time, Me & Myself looked up abruptly at the noise & was taken back by the grand adieur brought on by their talented 3rd-door neighbor.

"Hay, whatchy'all out here fussin' about!?", as I stood from the debris, shaking a leg to releases some minor shards from his new Ranglers. "Hot damn, I can hear y'all all the damned way to the kitchen, y'all so loud!"

"Oh nuthin', I, go back in the house!", yelled Me. As he'd done so, he'd grabbed Myself by the arm & darted off towards the front door of the house, gesturing to I a quirky brow.

As Me & Myself disappeared from sight, I went to get in the car to go to the store because this blog post makes no friggin' sense. Ha!

LOL! You mean you actually thought I was gonna type out a story? Seriously!? Do you honestly think I have the patience for that? LOLOL!!! But now that I've got you reading, I hope all of you are having good days & better nights. Check The Pizza's an awesome place to be so y'all give a big ol' well-rounded applause for the man that made it happen. You've got our support, Rightie!!

Err, I mean...Brad! Yeah... ;-)

The Day is Saved.

Ok, you may be saying what is he talking about.... Well, Jess and I are no longer faceing the down fall of our bank account. In simplier terms Jess got a job today that pays about 4$'s more an hour than she was making at Hobby Lobby. This couldn't have come at a better time. Supporting a family on my little hourly wage with 220.85 being taken out every week for child support was at it's end. Our savings was tapped and we owed way more than I was making. Jess is my hero!!!!
Jess, will be an office Asst/bookkeeper at a property management company here in Kansas City. I'm telling you this day saved us from ruin and Jess from having to take just any job that came along, she was about to accept a job at Home Depot for 7.00 per/hr. just so we could surive.
Now comes the fun part, finding a place to live and getting the hell out of mom and dad's. I just want you guys to know that Jess has been a real trooper here, it isn't easy living at my parents house. She can't walk around naked like she wants to, she can't cook like she want's to, she can't blast Bare Jr like she want's to, she can't f%*k me like she want's to....well you get the point. I'm joking about her walking around naked by the way. It's just not home for her or me, we need our own place and now we can really get started with our life here in KC.

SO HERE'S TO JESS, SHE SAVED THE DAY..........AGAIN.

I wrote this because no one else did...

Hope everyone had a good fourth of July. After trying to hang out, I felt sick and came home and watched the downtown H-town fireworks on tv.

Tonights entry has no point, so if you're life is that important, it's okay - carry on.

Ken Lay dead - what's your thought?

Things are kinda quiet around here these days!

New job is going good. They're keeping me busy. Between that and the freelance projects, keeping occupied. But not enough to totally rule out occasional crazy thinking. Been waking up in a wierd mood. I know it happens to all of us, but it sucks.

Did this pic in Adobe Illustrator a while ago. Mr. Hand commented on it, so I thought maybe it was worth posting up.

I warned you - no real point to this post.

New CTP Features
Have you looked around Check the Pizza lately? New links are posted up. Check Em Out!

Happy Holidays Fuckos' !!!!!

bh11702