For some reason, I couldn't type anything in the title box. So, here it is:

Johnny Bench

They called him "Johnny 'Blue Balls' on the Bench"
They assured him dating and courting was such a cinch,
Just stroke her hair and hold her hand,
And let her know you're a lucky man.

Dance all night and rub her back,
There was only one thing Johnny lacked,

Courage, gusto, go for the goal,
Hit a homerun, knock it in the hole.
Playing the game and playing it hard,
Knowing your hand and reading her cards.

Johnny got up in the batters box every day,
But instead of batting, he'd walk away.

Resolving himself to the bench once again,
Drooping his shoulders, crossing his hands,

He was a real victiim that Johnny 'Blue Balls' on the Bench,
He couldn't do something that was such a cinch,
He could make you laugh, he could make you cry,
He just couldn't bat, and didn't know why.

His practice swing was improving day to day,
But his follow through was the walk away.

Johnny talked his way on the team for years and years,
Convincing them all he had triumphed his fears.

At practice he'd field like a gold-glover, and even bat like a pro,
In pre-season, he was hot. Johnny was on a roll,
So the crowds would gather on opening day,
And Johnny, at bat, would walk away.

Keep your eyes on the ball, such a cinch,
But Johnny 'Blue Balls' sat on the bench.

By Brad A. Haines

Now if that there doesn't call to check the pizza, I don't know what does.